Future Looks Incredibly Uncertain

I’m getting to a point where the nerves are starting to get to me. My future is uncertain and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve done all that I could over the past five years and nothing has yet come through. It’s the one part of my life right now that I have no control over and it’s making me crazy.

What I’m talking about is the job application process for next fall.

As of this morning I’ve submitted applications for ten different faculty positions that start in Fall, 2007. I’ve had one telephone interview, which I thought went very well (thought I have no frame of reference), but that is all. Friends around me are getting in-person interviews and I know that some schools have already filled their faculty positions.

But where does that leave me?

I really do feel like I’m in a state of flux with a very uncertain future. I’m on track to have my dissertation completed this spring (early summer at the latest). Then what do I do when it’s completed if I don’t have a job teaching? There’s no guarantee that I can teach here at IU. And do I really want to go back to doing the menial type jobs that I was doing before I went into graduate school? Is that why I went on to get my Ph.D.?

I’ve been going through these bouts of fear and depression during the entire process, but they are coming more and more frequently as I hear about the successes others are having. I really thought that I had set myself up well so that I would be a top job candidate. My CV is quite good, or so I am told, and I do have publications. I also made sure to get teaching experience so that I would be more appealing to a school on that front as well. I just wish I knew what it is that I am lacking that these schools are looking for.